Living Paradox

“The child of God knows that the graced life calls him or her to live on a cold and windy mountain, not on the flattened plain of reasonable, middle-of-the-road religion.”
– Brennan Manning

Believe it or not, I don’t like change. I own a blog with a title called “valiant” and I speak highly of adventure and I dance a dance of being an adventurous soul, yet truly, I like calculated risk-taking, planned adventure, so to speak. The more I know and can plan, the better. I don’t like last minute change in plans. And I really really don’t like not knowing. I don’t like the elements of the unknown. They are just… not appeasing to me. And my life is pretty much turned inside out and upside down filled with unknowns. There are small safety nets established along the way, but in the matters of the heart… so much is just… unknown. cold windy

I am on that cold and windy mountain.  The view is spectacular and my heart is anticipating every good gift the Father will bestow.  But man, we are high up and if I make a sudden movement, the risk is… I’ll fall. I am incredibly aware of my weakness in this season, y’all. Incredibly aware.

When I yell at my kids for being kids.
When I snap at my husband for changing plans up, even
though the change is minuscule.
When I find myself sabotaging friendships in an effort to self-preserve.
When I am overwhelmed by small details that are really… just, no big deal.

Yeah, I am incredibly aware of myself right now.

“And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9

This is a season of God’s grace being exhibited abundantly in my life. It always is. Don’t get me wrong, but this one is a season filled with my weakness; there is so much change, so much unknown that the only viable option left is lean in close to the heart of my Father, listen to His heartbeat and bask in His grace.

I am empty, yet filled with His everlasting kindness and grace. I am at the end of my rope, yet staring out into the marvelous view of a beautiful new beginning. I am lost in His plan, yet perfectly found in His love. I am unsure of everything else, except that He is a good God who loves me and works all things together for my good.

I am a living paradox.

Nothing is sure. My comfort zones have been ripped away.  Yet, I stand, a child of God trusting that His grace really is sufficient. He has never ever let down.

Let the uncomfortable adventuring begin…

xo, Nicole



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