learning to surrender

There’s a little chorus that I’ve been singing the last two days.  Kinda randomly, but kind of not really.  It’s a heart song that has bubbled forth during this season. Ironically, one of our prayer room worship leaders sang it today and that, ladies & gents is what I want to talk to you about today.

Put me anywhere, just put Your glory in me.
I’ll serve anywhere. Just let me see Your beauty.

This has not always been true of me.  As I’ve shared before, I am incredibly addicting to doing. It’s pretty bad, but I have consistently sought the Lord in this area of life, and given Him my addiction and my desires.  I enjoy doing and being in a place of doing, and for me to declare that I will serve *anywhere* has been a downright lie.  It’s been a slow crawl, but nonetheless, God has been faithful in working on my heart as I progressively hand my challenges to Him.  Today, as I stood in the prayer room, sitting with some of my favorite little people and screaming out this song, I realized that for the first time in a long time, I really do mean it.  Let me explain. 

 I have applied and am pursuing a job with a local missions organization.  I am not necessarily qualified with a college degree, and I haven’t worked in four years.  I am a mom and have been only a mom for half a decade now.  In the natural, I could probably name 10 people significantly more qualified than me for this.  But I want it.  I really really want it.  The mission and vision of this organization has become my heartbeat and I genuinely want to be a part of making this a harbor and haven for culture shifting missionaries.  And. What’s even more insane is that in the core of who I am, I believe I was made for this role.

That being said.

surrender

After stressing out about this position.  After battling with myself over the possibility of disappointment and potentially unmet expectations, I have gradually given this back to God.  I stopped stressing and I started surrendering.  I have prayed over this position and I have settled it in my heart that God has chosen and set His heart on the right person for it.  It could very well be me. It could very well not be.  But what I am doing is continually handing it back to Christ with open hands and surrendering.  And y’all. The most bizarre thing is happening. 

Every time I surrender all over again and I give a little more of my insecurity, uncertainty and overall doubt to Jesus, I get one step closer to getting this position.  Every time I say yes to His bidding to trust, He reminds me of His unending faithfulness and goodness.  I am by no means claiming that this position is mine.  He could very well lead me through the process for the purpose of teaching me to trust and surrender and nothing more.  And that’s okay too.  Nonetheless, He is faithful.  Nonetheless, I have trusted His trustworthy leadership and He will never ever lead me astray. 

I want to encourage you friend.  We are frail people and the control we really have over our lives is mostly an illusion.  We serve a mighty big Savior who is intimately acquainted with the details of our lives and He is so faithful.  He will lead perfectly even when we cannot see or understand its purpose or the outcome. Trust. Surrender. As scary as it is to trust, it is scarier and way heavier to carry a burden we were never made to carry. 

Surrendering,
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