AW Tozer once said “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” And I agree wholeheartedly. But. I will dare to add that the most defining thing about us is what we believe God thinks of us.
Bear with me on this post. This is a difficult one to write as I tread the fine line of candor and vulnerability. I am battling the need to overshare with the fear of throwing pearls before swine.
There are two manners of Christians in the world.
The servants and the bride.
Hear me out on this one.
A servant Christian is a faithful one. He is the one that will work wholeheartedly unto the Lord as an offering of thanksgiving. The servant knows the Master and is entirely aware and amazed at His goodness and mercy. He walks with Him, speaks with Him and lives in a manner of true thanksgiving and adoration. To serve this Master is a joy and a delight and the thought of going anywhere else is inconceivable. The servant is bound to the Master by deed, by word and by action. This Christian is a good one. He will indeed hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
The bridal Christian is also faithful. But this one believes that in as much as she loves his Groom, He loves her back.* As a bride, she is convinced of her husband’s adoration and all manner of service and affection comes from that place. Because this believer understands the affections returned to her from her heart’s desire, she expects to know Him and His heart. He shares secrets that He wouldn’t a servant and the external manifestation of their mutual love is sweeter to watch than that of a servant. The bride is bound to her husband by covenant, by heart and by choice. This Christian is also a good one.
So, if both are good — why does it matter?
This is the part where I get vulnerable y’all.
I am intimately acquainted with the servant Christian. I know that my goal is to be the bridal one, but on a day-to-day honest level, I see myself as a servant and not a bride. I know. I know. Spare me the “oh but He loves you” speech. Of course He loves me. I am fully aware of that. I am also extremely aware of where He called me from and part of me still lives there. He has forgiven, but I cannot forget. And because of that, I incapacitate myself to receive and to give the fullness of who I am to Jesus Christ. I know He loves me, but if I’m being totally honest, I have a deep-rooted false belief that He loves someone else more. That He would rather be with someone else and that when given the option, He will always choose someone else. In the honest place of my heart, I believe I am God’s second/third/fourth choice.
What a lie!
And yet. There it is. Rooted so deeply that I can pull at that sucker all day and not actually remove the root.
I share this to share this with you dear friend:
Our life circumstances and our experiences will absolutely without a shadow of a doubt impact what we believe about God and what we believe God thinks of us. We can fight it with the Word and win, but make no mistake that at some point, it will affect us. It is our responsibility and our privilege to discover the truth about who He is v who we think He is. Just like it is our privilege to discover what He *really* thinks about you. Know that, realize it and then fight like hell to keep the faith, to guard any outside influences dictating who we think God is and who we think we are in the eyes of God. Look to Scripture, boldly declare it and be honest.
I hear this beautiful God we serve isn’t intimidated by our humanity and the frame of dust that we are. I hear He loves it and loves honesty in our pursuit of Him. As a matter of fact, I know it. Not as closely as I want to, but man… I won’t let go until I do.
* I would like to point out that the gender of each Christian is not an implication of a true male/female, but that I chose them based on their identities and to avoid confusion on the matter. A woman can be a servant Christian in as much as a man can walk as a bridal Christian.