If you know me, or have spoken to me in the last year, you know that 2018 has kinda handed my tush back to me in 1,000 different ways. You know that it’s been a good year, but it’s been a hard year. And if you’ve paid attention, you may have noticed that my “calculated risk taking” has gone to a whole ‘nother level this year.
I’ve always mostly been a calculated risk taker. That means (according to Webster’s Dictionary) that I establish and understand the chances of failure, and based on that will determine the course of action that will or will not take place. So, for example, I will never go blonde, because the probability of me looking 10,000 times ridiculous is favorable, so I avoid it. I am not exactly a thrill seeker and I could honestly care less if my adrenaline never spikes… I prefer it that way.
That being said. I’ve taken a calculated risk taking approach to my faith. Thankfully, I serve a very consistent and faithful God. So, He’s usually, nay, always a safe bet. But, as I sat with the Lord, confessing that I wanted a little more in a certain area of my life, He challenged my modus operandi and grated away that “calculated risk taker”. I journaled, confessed my fears and concerns and basically asked Jesus to confirm what I think I know with roughly 37 “fleeces” (see: Gideon, Judges 6:36-40).
I finished with journal entry with “calculated risk taker”.
And friends, before my pen stopped writing, I heard the Lord say “but what would joyful abandon look like?”
And legit. I had no response.
Because I just don’t know.
I’m a pretty passionate worshipper. I can jump up and down with the best of them.
But. What would joyful abandon look like in the depths of my soul and my heart?
Guys. I have no freaking clue.
I was taught to be cautious with my heart, to protect my heart above all else. To make sure I safeguard and keep it, because that’s it. I mean, the heart is where it’s at. So you betta’ make sure there is no junk up in there…
So, this joyful abandon He speaks of?
What would it look like to be confident and expectant in His goodness instead of hoping for the best but preparing my heart for the No?
I have no grid for that.
And I’m kinda figuring that’s a problem… since it was Jesus Himself who brought it up.
So, I don’t actually have any answers today… Or any type of real revelatory exhortation. I kind of just wanted to share and invite you into that place… What does it mean to live in joyful abandon? Like… for real. Let’s talk about it. Let’s pray for one another. Let’s do this… together.
Joyful Abandon according to a prophetic word released by another blogging believer:
“You think there is safety in normalcy — in continuing on in the same way as you always have. You choose the illusion of stability over the shocking truth that sets you free to serve the God of all Creation! You, dear one, are more than your limited imagination can ever fathom. You are a force; salt and light, in this dark world through the very presence of my Holy Spirit within you… In trusting me to the fullest extent, your spirit will soar, singing the note you were given to sing at this critical moment in the Father’s symphony of time. Close your eyes, child; trust me implicitly; and jump into my waiting arms! Will you abandon all doubt, trust my loving definition of who you are meant to be, and say yes to me now?”